Monday, August 28, 2006

Not a music post.

I don't know if you're tiring of my music posts or not. If you are, I've got some bad news for you - I've got 2 more of them waiting in the wings. If you're not, well, good news - I've got 2 more of them waiting in the wings!


Tonight I'm wearing a Crest Whitestrip. (And clothes too. Because some smart-aleck will make a comment about blogging in only a Whitestrip, and I thought I'd stop the email before it came.) Anyway, I'm assuming you know what it is I'm talking about. Unless you've lived under a rock. If that's the case, you (and your yellow teeth) can go ahead and skip this post.

I've seen the commercials that touted the Whitestrip and it's invisibility. Women were wearing them while at work; while talking on the phone; while going about their everyday routines and no one was privy to the fact that all the while they were whitening their teeth. You've seen those commercials too, right?

Well, those darn advertisers have gotten the best of me, again. Because I'm wearing one right now, and if you were here in the room with me, you sure as hell would know it. It's not invisible. It's very obvious. And it gives me a lisp.

I read the kids their bedtime story while wearing it, and they kept staring at my mouth as if something very awful was happening to it. Like my teeth would fall out at any minute, and they dare not look away lest they miss the spectacle. And, my friends, I was trying very hard to enunciate while speaking, but I swear I sounded worse than a twelve year old wearing a retainer. You should have heard the bedtime song - Thwinkle, thwinkle litthle ssssthar.

Those Crest people - they lure me in with their promises of getting whiter teeth whilst I go about my everyday life, and instead I'm reduced to sitting at my computer and typing while I anxiously await my thirty minutes to be up.

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