Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Hello conundrum. Nice to see you again.

I think the house can be removed from it's quarantine now. My daughter is officially no longer contagious now that she's been using the eye drops for her pink eye for more than 24 hours. We all seem to be holding down food (and eliminating it in a normal way.) (Ewwww.)

I haven't posted because I've been busy. Busy running errands, mailing packages - Sara, it's officially on it's way! And that darn post office was BUSY, let me tell you - and dealing with a difficult little boy. And no, it's not MY boy. It's the one I babysit. And let me just say I'm running out of ideas.

Just when I think we've got a handle on everything and he's doing better, we have these days that make me want to throw my hands up and give up. When I get to the point of wondering if I want to keep on being his babysitter, I have a tendency to withdraw into silence. I guess I'm trying to figure it all out and regroup.

I've heard, Just quit. He's not your child, why should you deal with all this? Why put yourself through it? And to that I say: I don't want to give up on him. I feel like I'm a constant in his little life, and I think it would throw him into even more turmoil if I just abandoned him. And that's what it would feel like, me abandoning him. I think it would bring out even more aggressive behavior on his part. And then sometimes I wonder if there is a better situation out there for him (IE: someone without children of their own who can concentrate on just him,) and I then wonder if I would actually be doing him a favor to bail. But I think the last part is just me trying to rationalize bailing on them.

This job is hard. It's not like a regular job where you can just turn in your notice and they find another person to fill your place with an ad in the paper. (Well, technically, it is.) But it's also personal, very, very personal. If I quit it would create hard feelings and a very difficult situation for the parents while they try to scramble for childcare. If I quit I'll lose any kind of reference - in a very reference-reliant profession - from the only family I've been a nanny for since we've moved here.

And, also, if I quit I lose a salary. There's always that to consider.


sara said...

i think you should stick it out!!! obviously the kid is lacking something at home.....i think he NEEDS you. look how your good your kids are!!! i think those parents should pay you more because what you are offering that kid is way more than you signed up for and definitly something he is missing from them!!! yay for stay at home moms!!!!!!

E said...

you're too much! - you always make me feel good about myself!

E said...

Oh, and I forgot to say THANK YOU for that!