I'm happy to report that the little boy who, last week, dreaded coming over to my house is now happily here. He has come running in, happy as can be, the last two mornings.
But the fates, they do not make these things simple, ever. Because, you see, now I am the one who doesn't want him to come over. And not just him, but his brother either. Not that I don't like them, because I do. They are good kids, and they keep my daughter busy. I like that very much. What I don't like is not having my freedom.
I didn't realize how much I missed it until yesterday. There have been times when I wished I could just go cruise a mall, or the local Target, or maybe even take the kids downtown to a park. But it really hit home yesterday, when the little kids were being dropped off late. I had the chance to iron some clothes, have 2 cups of coffee, and walk my son to school. Then my daughter and I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things, and I got a chance to vacuum a little. All in the 3 extra hours I had until the kids were dropped off here. And I really enjoyed it.
I realized how much I missed spending time with just my kids. I miss being able to do special things for them - like take them to the toy store to ohh and ahh over the newest toys. I miss being able to just pick up and go wherever we want. And it's starting to get me down. So down, in fact, that I spent half the night last night trying to figure out a way that we could pay all our bills without me working. And, um, unless we can get a house for $400 a month, I don't think it's going to happen.
What about my other options, you ask? Well, I could find a job outside the home, but, um, that would mean spending even less time with my kids, and even less freedom. I suppose I could get an evening job, but that would mean less time with my husband. And I rarely get to spend any time with him as it is. Next time, I think I'll go for a part-time kid watching gig. Maybe something that gives me a day or two off during the week. Because, I think, this summer is going to really be a bummer for me and my kids. I know my son will be bored - we won't be able to do any of the things he likes to do. And I know he's sick of hearing, "We can't do that with the little kids here."
(I do know that I am very lucky to have the option to take my son to school, pick him up, and just be able to stay at home with my daughter. But still, I'm allowed to complain a little. It may be petty, but it's how I'm feeling. But really? I know I'm blessed. Just bear with me until I'm done with my little pity party. 'Cause right now, that party is in full swing.)